At what age should you know never to swim in any small, muddy body of water in Florida? Sooner than 31, we say. Way sooner. Also:

• Brief July 4th conversation, and Brian once again busts Jeff’s balls for his toilet paper Kleenex gimmick.
• The guy in Ft. Wayne, Indiana who cut his cock off, set it on fire, and used it to set a garage on fire, b/w Boston Corbett castrated himself.
• An Oklahoma woman grabbed a firework from her daughter, and promptly put on her Summer fingers.
• A female Milwaukee cop was knocked out by fireworks, and the way female cops are going, everyone is lucky she didn’t shoot the smoke.
• We would fly Box Cutter Airlines before Spirit.
• A tree and a truck were set on fire during some typical low IQ fireworks shenanigans on Oakland.
• A fireworks explosion sent five people to the hospital, and the news reporter telling you about it looks like Edna Mode.
• The char b/w who is the pedo in Star Wars?
• Enough with Metallica, already.
• 400 arrested in Newport Beach on July 4th – lots of “teens.”
• The (Rocky) Balboa Peninsula
• Summer Teeth revisited.