No news or updates to be found this week, and this episode really reflects that fact. Brian forgot he unplugged his audio and tried to play Jeff’s intro; Mark Twain really, really liked young girls; Jeff is liking Andy Taylor’s book; Tony Thompson was great; the show is obsessed with the theme from “Alice”; the worse sentence you can think of; early morning farts; English muffins; sedation; Trump and Ozempic; Brian and the casino; the poor man’s anal beads; the Kennedys aren’t cursed; Jeff can’t free associate; blowing a seal; banging horrible women; Brian thinks about shitting his pants on the way home; Linda Lavin as a singer; the Indy 500; Nerf gun difficulties; and finally, the last show.

Let’s talk about the fact we’re never going to see a proper Spring again. And: Joe Biden’s cancer; Jeff is full of ideas; “What’s Happening!!”; Molly Ringwald topless; Brooke Shields; Sydney Sweeney; Scarlett Johansson; Florence Pugh; Jeff introduces Brian to Drag Syndrome; the Gangster Party Line; Klarna is in trouble; a McDonald’s in Virginia closed the dining room to anyone under 21; why is every young girl’s eyes so far apart?; Burger King onion rings; scientists need to study Long John Silver’s; Hypertelorism is running rampant; they talked to the father of the guy who bombed that IVF clinic in Palm Springs; no one talks about Terry Nichols; Brian’s manifesto; a kindergartner took Jell-o shots to school; a man was found inside a Lowe’s display shed with Vaseline and a cell phone; and finally, Brian misses the casino.

This week, what India and Pakistan were really fighting for. Also: We missed the anniversary of the Bill O’Reilly meltdown video; the remix; Bill O’Reilly had to pay a woman $32 million because he sexually harassed her; an update on the man who fucked his own ass with a cucumber; Spit Take Theater; Jeff’s update on Andy Taylor’s book; a Righty loon burned 100 library books; not to be outdone, Lefty loons are jerking off at a Seattle beach; a bus driver was arrested for driving kids while hammered; a foot fetishist is booking home tours with female real estate agents; and finally, Jeff’s almost shit himself at work.

The show opens with a discussion of Public Enemy, then we open some champagne to start the big anniversary festivities: Brian found some old pictures in the archive that Jeff has never seen (see them here), and some audio that changes the early history of the show; fucking young Brian must have been like fucking Mickey Mouse; Brian also found a random Opie and Anthony clip in the archive; an update on the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, b/w you won’t believe who’s not in the Hall; an angry woman shit on another woman’s car; the Beatles and Joe Cocker; a meth head was outed by her own pet raccoon; a Florida man married three women in three different counties, apparently because he was tired of peace and quiet; post nut clarity; Brian would fuck an old woman if it meant he could gamble every day; and finally, we’re taking it one year at a time from here on out.

The Pope died and the 2025 Dead Pool is heating up. Also: Conclave asks you to suspend disbelief for some outer space shit; you have to listen to the show in context; ol’ pie crust bones; Brian thinks Trump will die a Big Mac clutched in his claws; a John Cena heel turn update; a woman took a shit in a beer cooler; Jeff’s fake outrage is off the charts; KTLA tweeted the N bomb; a man set two sex toys on fire, and the blaze spread to two houses; the great Chicago fire; a California mayor wants to give fentanyl to the homeless; conclave rules; young boys stink; we should start a religion; Jeff’s first wife hated Brian’s guts; Pope Lemon; when Trixie leaves Jeff, Brian is moving in; and finally, being in the slot.