Brian accidentally pauses the show open, and we’re off to the races. On Eric Swalwell, Brian doesn’t understand how sending a cock pic is still a move | The Captain | Brian thinks he finally has a name for his dick | Tony Gonzales’s side piece set herself on fire | Huma Abedin’s memoir, beta male husband, and Middle East Face | Sharknado | Mort and Frances | Bahamian police released the guy who definitely didn’t kill his wife (wink) | it must feel amazing once you’ve finally decided to kill your wife | the HOA thief, and possible hero, turned herself in | a large Blizzard | the Michigan bank roll | Baby Jessica was arrested for domestic violence | a cop at an active crime scene was scrolling through a dating app | the boys try to do a feel good news story about a lost kangaroo and the show completely derails | Brian is outraged by country music’s obsession with cold beer | Willem Dafoe is method acting | Super Humman’s Super Slide of Carnage Part Two, Spring Special Style | and finally, Brian wants to drive drunk.

This week, Windows is a cancer on home computing. Also: Brian found out TGO Radio is one of the 10-20 longest running podcasts ever | saying goodbye | so far, the carny half is winning | a minty fresh load | Brian had lunch with Morbidly O’Beast | Brian floats the idea of hiring a third mic | True Grit | Brian is still watching way too much “Big Bang Theory” | a toddler was bitten by a wolf because her parents, apparently, are shit | minor injuries | an American woman in the Bahamas “fell off a boat” | Patrice O’Neal on Natalee Holloway | “Rock Lobster” | a woman who looks like the Joker stole $200,000 from HOAs, and the boys are torn | a symphony of flatulence | and finally, the studio is much too hot today.

This week, Trixie had a colonoscopy, and got some of that sweet, sweet Michael Jackson juice. Also: Tiger Woods sucks, a lot | Brian’s Tiger Woods theory | sneeze aborshes | Kristi Noem’s husband likes to wear big, fake, plastic tits | Trump is living his best life | presidential libraries | Australia is adding the “succulent Chinese meal” rant to its National Film and Sound Archive | kids are playing a game called “Five Nights at Epstein’s” | Jesse Epstein | Brian wants a copy of Epstein’s Clinton-in-a-dress painting | white flour | a dummy snuck into a cop car and died after a few days | forced vasectomies | a man assaulted a woman who was dressed as the Easter Bunny | flashback to that great old Opie and Anthony April Fool’s gag | a woman pushing a dog in a stroller strips down and hits a grocery store clerk | the Roscars | sex with Whoopi Goldberg | and finally, Mike and David Lee.

It’s an April Fool’s Day miracle! We’ll do two shows this week, this first one covering only the things that matter, such as: Brian is confused about an old AC/DC lyric | The Dump Out | Lou Gramm | a quadruple amputee killed a guy and dumped the body in someone’s yard | a former NFL linebacker probably killed his girlfriend and used ChatGPT to get away with it | the life of Tom Griswold, at parties | a cop quit her job because she was caught posting feet pics during work hours | a man diagnosed with terminal cancer goes on a shooting spree | The King of Comedy | Tony Randall | Martha Raye’s enormous mouth | 60s era Klan materials were found in a Mississippi police headquarters | a strawberry shit shake | Midgie Wick | Bill Cosby | and finally, the search for someone normal.