Author Archives: tgoradio

Two Old Guys Who Hate Things

(Take it up with the Kaiser!)

Per tradition, we have three “dummies getting hurt by fireworks” stories this year, not to forget: Shelley Duvall died; Brian wants to go crazy late in his life; Biden hours; Jeff was forced to talk to a stranger; some Olympic games make money; the mayor of Paris says she’s still going to swim in the Seine; a young guy lost some digits thanks to fireworks; Jeff wants to give booze and fireworks (for free) to dumb people; Brian left a drive thru in disgust; a man gave fireworks to his eleven-year-old son, and predictable things happened; Brian strongly objects to the word “malfunction”; regular jackoffs; a man died after lighting fireworks on his head; some moron claims the sun has changed; necklacing; Michael Hutchence; a Canadian couple is teaching their pet rats how to drive little electric cars; low hanging balls; banging comic strip characters; and finally, Snoopy the War Criminal.

Here’s a Cake

(Tooooons.)

First up, a hidden history of the White House. Then: It’s pretty easy to not die in a stupid way; Brian is obsessed with MeTv Toons; old people TV; “The Simpsons” and “Mad Men”; Jeff has a great idea; more forgotten history of the White House; the president of France and mayor Paris ended up not swimming in the Seine river (because it’s a toxic hell hole of a waterway); the Olympics are a grift; Lauren Boebert won her primary; Jeff saw a picture of Boebert he liked; more White House history; a man jumped into an enclosure at Kings Island, and the local media never really gets around to what happened; Michael C. Hall’s band still stinks; kids who threw up in school; a man was arrested for fucking a horse, again (Mister Ed responds); rape cakes; and finally, the girl who lifted her shirt at the Oilers game got a Playboy layout.

… And I’m All Out of Bullets

(Bob, not John.)

The tale of the $250 flat tire. Also: pro gambling, Brian forgets to do the show intros, the Nashville cop who was in that Only Fans video was arrested; an Ohio attorney who had his law license suspended for flinging shit filled Pringles cans into parking lots had his license reinstated; Brian wants to shit in a Pringles can on the show; a McDonald’s employee pulled a gun on some customers; a perfect pro wrestling gimmick; a half-naked man drove his car through a police station entrance; Brian makes the most obscure reference in show history; people in Paris are planning a “shit flashmob” in advance of the Olympics; Long John Silver’s; a man said he’d rather go to jail than pay for the beer he stole; Jeff’s pool; and “The Love Boat.”

Video Store: Naked Attraction

(It’s okay to just be bi, you performance artist.)

This week, TGO Radio dives into an episode of “Naked Attraction,” a dating show where you see your perspective dates nude first. We meet Mariia (a “pansexual sex therapist”) and Alannah (a “content creator”), who are looking for love, allegedly.

Window Shopper

(Sophie, you’s a window shopper …)

This week: Brian wants a Babbling Asshole alarm; the medication commercial cold open; “The Simpsons” on vacation; should Jeff add a song to his opening fanfare?; Technical Difficulties; a teacher who was drunk in class will not be charged; Brother Cool Hand send bad memes; funcle; drinking in school; regrettably, Brian’s son is a Long Beard Guy; if Joe pardons Hunter; Irish coffee; Jeff saw Godzilla: Minus One; Japan is a harmless culture since they got the nukes; Joey Chestnut was banned from the Nathan’s hot dog eating contest; Jeff’s ex-wife; Jeffrey Jones (the actor); who would you fuck, between Ferris and Cameron; the old man who was slingshotting his neighbors died; some finer details on Balloonfest ‘86; teachers were trying to set up a foursome with male students; Jeff plays a scene from “Boondock Saints”; someone took the song “Window Shopper” and made a 1950s tune out of it; Conway Fiddy; and Dave Landeau.

What’s Left

(I’m looking for a man in finance. Trust fund, 6’5″, blue eyes. That’s all I want.)

It was a marathon recording session chock full of verbal sleeping pills. Here’s what’s left: Recording on D-Day; Roof Koreans and Rodney King; Brian thinks “Paradise City” is the best rock song of the 1980s; “Money for Nothing;” the most expensive vinyl album we own; first CDs; Brian dehydrates himself because he’s a forgetful asshole; someone hit a nice jackpot at the casino; ugly babies; a high school sports announcer was caught checking out hot moms on an open mic; high school sports and the WNBA; a new St. Louis restaurant has age restrictions; we’re just hearing about the Indiana serial killer from 1996, and they’re still identifying victims; Brian is one election cycle away from becoming a crackpot; the only way to die; Jeff introduces Brian to the great Cleveland balloon debacle of 1986; and Chicken-fil-a.

Li’l Scalp

(“Head Woond.”)

This week, millionaire Jeff got a new pool. Also, the Indy 500, Updates and Corrections (Hunter Biden’s baby mama dictated a book, the woman who tried to poison her husband with bleach plead guilty, and James Gregory died), a man jerked off on a woman in Whole Foods, a 17-year-old “rapper” shot himself to death; a Nashville cop was fired for appearing on Only Fans; Brian reached out to the Only Fans girl, and she was a good sport; an annoying man thumbs his nose at his local government; Emo Phillips; an 81-year-old man has been slingshotting his neighbors’ windows for a decade; the Nutter Butter shake; Jimmy Hoffa; Tonya Harding and Nancy Carrigan; neither of the guys can remember the name “Margot Robbie”; and finally, Jeff doesn’t know who Zendaya is, but Brian loves her.

An Assembly Line of Shit

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Here’s some news we missed because last week’s show was all about scumbag teachers: Three women caught HIV from “vampire facials”; Wuhan; a murder suspect was eating his victim’s face; “Charlie Brown”; Britain’s fattest man died; competitive eating; Mountain Dew Code Red; Harvey Weinstein’s cock; losing weight; Rodney Dangerfield; the Jack Shack; election night; Biden shit his pants; and finally, Andrew “Dice” gay (here’s a link to the clip).

Cheese Curd Rod

(Beat it, titless.)

Beginning it’s 20th year, this is TGO Radio. Jeff found a song for Doug; Brian tries to convince Jeff the show needs to head to Vegas for the 20th anniversary shows; the Tom Brady roast; Jeff Ross; Bea Arthur; Jeff wants to record a show drunk; Vegas hotels; gambling; Updates and Corrections (Wally Gator and Ric Flair); drunk Ric Flair was kicked out of a restaurant; a female teacher was fired for making out with an 11-year-old boy (and predictably, her marriage is off); another female teacher molested a 13-year-old girl; Jeff is old; a male teacher was jailed for taking perv pics of teenage girls; a teacher was fired for coming to work hammered; Jeff annoys his wife; and finally, angry things.

19th Anniversary “Special”

(CRANE DANGLES bwa ha ha ha ha)

This marks the 19th anniversary of our first episode, and we begin by wondering how much longer this can possibly go on. Then, Brian is never going to die and his dad is fat; the Giamattis; a harrowing casino story; if we were women we’d be millionaires; why is it always “furiously” jerking off; clips from seasons 6 in 2012 and 7 in 2013 (Brian’s crush, Bob Ross, and Crane Dangles); Brian talks about opening a gay Only Fans; a 2005 test show we lost; hearing me out; dark years; and finally, a tease for next week.