Brian accidentally pauses the show open, and we’re off to the races. On Eric Swalwell, Brian doesn’t understand how sending a cock pic is still a move | The Captain | Brian thinks he finally has a name for his dick | Tony Gonzales’s side piece set herself on fire | Huma Abedin’s memoir, beta male husband, and Middle East Face | Sharknado | Mort and Frances | Bahamian police released the guy who definitely didn’t kill his wife (wink) | it must feel amazing once you’ve finally decided to kill your wife | the HOA thief, and possible hero, turned herself in | a large Blizzard | the Michigan bank roll | Baby Jessica was arrested for domestic violence | a cop at an active crime scene was scrolling through a dating app | the boys try to do a feel good news story about a lost kangaroo and the show completely derails | Brian is outraged by country music’s obsession with cold beer | Willem Dafoe is method acting | Super Humman’s Super Slide of Carnage Part Two, Spring Special Style | and finally, Brian wants to drive drunk.