Jeff wants to know how Brian is staying so fat and sassy despite being out of work since last December. (There’s a method, but it’s pretty controversial.) Also: The Wises are not known for their plumbing | Bob Kevoian died | Brian reiterates that when he dies, people should feel free to fuck his corpse | a Titanic exhibit in Chicago ironically got flooded out, twice | Godsmack and Waylon Jennings | D4vd was (finally) arrested | Sabrina Carpenter | Brian: “By the way, don’t wake me up for a fuckin’ kid abduction” | a “former” prostitute denies involvement in a prostitution ring, is promptly arrested | Jesse Epstein drops by | group sets the world record for the most people dressed as dinosaurs | the cuck chair should replace the maple leaf as Canada’s national symbol | a 63-year-old man was caught jerking off in a company van | undercover jerkin’ | and finally, “Undercover Angel” by Alan O’Day should be the white national anthem.