(Make a fist and press it against me …)

Brian apologizes for his voice and all the coughing, but he’s been sick all week. And because he’s been sick, he didn’t do any show prep, but he’s been keeping notes: Recording every week is tough sometimes; panda pussy must be the worst; last week was our 300th episode; Brian hit at the casino; Jeff’s dog is a bad guard dog; Hunter Biden’s big mistake was banging a stripper without a bag (b/w Crazy Eyes); the Ups; Biden v. Trump is like picking the best suicide method; Five Guys; Brian almost fell down; AI music prompts; Batman sucks as a crime fighter; Joker 2; Batman and the Heimlich Maneuver; Henry Ford was a cunt; Prohibition; the progressive era (here’s the eugenics doc Brian mentioned); Sick Dick; and finally, Batman asks Robin to make a fist.

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(Canned shit.)

Another very silly episode: A business was selling Dunkin’ Donuts as vegan, Eric Carmen died, Ariana Grande, Pete Davidson has a perfect gimmick for chasing pussy, Brian is tired of people pretending they wouldn’t fuck Kim Kardashian, speaking of gimmicks, Jeff is tired of your gluten allergy gimmick, old audio from a man claiming he’s Jesus after he broke into a Pizza Hut, the Last Supper, Pizza Jesus’ mom speaks, Jeff doesn’t like The Who, Personal Pan Pizzas, Brian called Pizza Hut at the height of Covid, “On the Bowl Again,” Canned Heat, and finally, Steve Austin tells you how to use soap and toothpaste.

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(Two old idiots, babbling again.)

If you need to hear two fossils babbling about nothing, this is the show for you: Jeff’s house appraiser found out about the podcast, playing a character, having another family across town, Brian sat on his balls, Poor Things, Updates and Corrections on the Oscars, intermissions, bumper stickers are on the way, trying to be good, chicken nuggets, “Clown Nose” by No Time, the early days of this show were a goddamn embarrassment, Brian’s dad has trouble ordering things, Brian wants to fake his death, and some Kansas City Chiefs fans have to have frostbitten fingers amputated.

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(“Poofy haired little beta fruit boy.”)

Brian drove through downtown to get to the studio. Also, “Frasier” has been renewed for a second season, Google’s AI has info about the show, Brian gives you the Oscar winners, the voice AI renewal is expensive, a teacher brought swords to school for kids to fight, Dune: Part Two, Timothée Chalamet is not masculine, high school kids were licking toes at a fundraiser, crunchy vs. creamy, Gabourey Sidibe is pregnant, the Florida Man Games, a mystery phrase on a bathroom wall leads to a minor inconvenience, a deputy was fired for asking high school girls for nudes, and finally, a man saw Margaret Thatcher in his pizza grease.

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(Tossed salad, and our lunches.)

This is one of our wilder Video Stores, lots of fun this week. Brian makes a hall of fame Columbine joke and threatens to throw a drink in Jeff’s face, Jeff threatens to jump across the table, there’s an endless debate on Frasier’s son’s sexuality, and Brian proves he’s a modern sit com script writing genius, all watching the very bad first episode of the “Frasier” reboot.

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(“He’ll be cryin’ himself to sleep tonight on his huge pilla.”)

This week: Someone figured out how Hitler would have sounded in English, American Hitler opens the show, who is American Hitler’s enemy?, Jimmy Carter, Jim Norton married a guy with tits, Code Red, how they got rid of clap in the old days, the French, the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame nominees, A Pimp Named Slickback, a man jumped into a lion enclosure with predictable results, an Old Timey Guy bit completely falls apart, a man wearing a kilt is caught sticking antiques in his ass, the East Alcatraz Crime Museum, a man poses as a woman and “tricks” two men into some glory hole action, Rodney Carrington, a man threw a pillow at his mother, a huge pilla, and finally, American Hitler closes us out.

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(In town it was well known, when they got home at night, their fat and psychopathic wives would thrash them, within inches of their lives.)

Recorded on Super Bowl Sunday, Brian predicts his Beloved Niners losing to the Chiefs. Also, vehicle repairs, Lombardi trophy talk, an audio only podcast is going to, once again, watch some videos (Jeff’s “colonoscopy,” a female cop dispenses knuckle justice to a walking pig-woman, and Taylor’s dumper – see them all on the Twitter machine), Updates and Corrections (June Lockhart and Ernest Hemingway’s suicide), OJ Simpson has cancer, we deserve Biden and Trump, King Charles has cancer, “alternative medicine,” Bob Marley’s cancer, cops broke up a meth ring at a Dairy Queen, Jeff hates banana splits, bleeding, and wires on the desk.

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(Knowing me, knowing you.)

This week, some news we missed during the break, including: A sex party at a Taco Bell, the Vince McMahon lawsuit, if you had to fuck in a restaurant, which would it be?, a puppeteer with big hands, Gordon Ramsey, The D, overdosing at a Taco Bell, female teachers are still fucking boys (Story One, Story Two), Trixie’s co-worker, you just know Travis Kelce is murdering Taylor Swift’s pussy, a university chancellor was fired for making porn with his wife, a male nurse was fired for prolonged and repeated harassment, “Lollipop” by the Chordettes, Chubby Checker, and finally, near as we can tell, getting older is all about taking a good shit.

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Welcome us back, savages.

Year 19, season 17 begins! This week: New music, Brian has a name for our first album, Jeff’s dream, already thinking about the last shows of the year, Brian met a girl with Summer teeth, the 2024 Dead Pool, Updates and Corrections from the break: Causes of death for Ron Sexton and Matthew Perry, the first appearance of Old Timey Guy, Suzanna Gibson, teenagers are listening, the underage montage, “Aces High”, Lauren Boebert, Stephen Hawking, and finally, Ernest Hemingway and Abraham Lincoln.

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