This week, let’s talk about wanting peace and quiet. Also: when you can’t find things to listen to | ideal work | this week’s D4vd update (not pregnant) | Brian has to set an alarm to record, because he’s old and forgets things | table saws | Barry Bonds’ enormous head | Jose Canseco’s Twitter feed | celebrities on Cameo | the underage montage makes a glorious return | a woman (and sometimes her “friend”) visited all 372 cities and towns in North Dakota | Don Imus and nappy headed hoes | a killer squirrel sent two women to the emergency room | a South Carolina Republican with a great screen name was pinched for child porn | why do kid touchers not know how WiFi and cell phone towers work? | Jeff has to make himself presentable before leaving the studio | and finally, repetitive fork movements.

It’s a weird little show this week, featuring: Doug’s suspension | Charlie’s wife | Kyler Murray and Ron Mexico | a few minutes of sports talk | RC cola | teevee, movies, and music | would ya? | an update on that Nashville cop who grabbed that porn chick’s tit | D4vd is in trouble | Columbo solved the Kennedy assassination | haunted pussy | a “teaching assistant” released shit spray into a school’s HVAC | Jeff thinks Brian should be a gym teacher | a former swim coach got arrested for trying to meet a 15-year-old | a bench honoring blind people was stolen | the Helen Keller and Jeff Durant challenges | and finally, next week, a Would Ya? segment.

Brian throws the open mic to Jeff, and he doesn’t know how to behave, so Lemon takes over. Also this week: Jeff had an ear surgery | Brian explains how the bottom quintile dominates human life | the old guy arrested at the Charlie Kirk shooting likes kid porn | Jeff says don’t go to Utah | soaking | the Osmonds | an update on the guy who was sniffing female asses in public | someone thought a goat was a woman in distress | there’s a Greenville Spider-Man | Blink 182 | a “behavior interventionist” bit a kid | Wal Mart bans an emotional support alligator | Brian had some of the best pancakes of his life | don’t let Jeff fool you, he hates going out in public | the problem with public transportation | Dirty Harry and Gran Torino | Thoreau and Robert Redford | young Mary Tyler Moore | and finally, Scorched Earth Pussy.

The Wide Stance Crew is in the house! This week: “Knock Three Times” | smoking | Beavis and Butt-Head, King of the Hill, and Dexter | the TGO Radio archive | a man ran over a woman who wouldn’t let him smell her feet | we all know Brian’s an old creep | cops chased down a guy wearing a Speedo and covered in mud | a Les Claypool digression | Jeff never “got” Bill and Ted | brat fingers | human remains were found in a Tesla b/w D4vid | Jeff’s had it, and Brian’s not cutting it out | a man was arrested for drunk driving a pink Barbie truck around town | getting in one more float | Anthony Rizzo | and finally, rubber necking.

This week, not a lot of people make it to 80. Also, there’s nothing better than a wet ball bag | no waffle stomping is allowed in the studio | Brian has cataracts | favorite Stanley Kubrick movies | young, topless Nicole Kidman | the producer of War of the Worlds insists there was no product placement in the movie | famous bands tend not to have normal sounding singers | Kurt Cobain’s vocal cords | a kid got shot to death playing ding dong ditch | a probable autistic in Batman pajamas stopped a potential car thief | why Angel Reese can’t make a layup | Brian’s diet last weekend | Jeff is tired | a man was arrested for jerking off at a Korn / System of a Down concert | a man was arrested for drugging his granddaughter’s ice cream | the fuckable Brady Bunch | two men were shooting each other in the head while wearing Kevlar helmets | and finally, Darwin jerking off on the island.

Brian ate two bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch, and had a cinnamony, toasty dump. Also: Jeff’s dermatologist has a smile like the Joker | Literal Jeff strikes again | Doctor Genius is a hit | War of the Wordles | the first In-N-Out opened in Washington state, and people camped out all night | a man was arrested for sniffing a woman’s ass in public | going over this week’s scumbag roundup for a Florida Crimestoppers | a Woody bouquet | Brian is willing to fund a genocide if it’s to kill dummies | Brian brings up the Taylor Swift engagement, and the boys discuss Travis Kelce’s huge hog | good news: a kid toucher is going to be castrated | and finally, chemical castration.

Jeff and Brian both watched War of the Worlds, and they have a lot to say about it. Also: Brian also saw Nobody 2 and Americana | a man turned his sprinklers on handicapped kids | another man was arrested for blaring train horns and security alarms for no reason | the introduction of Doctor Genius | a man got stuck in a playground slide | ooo, are we checking our phones? | ding dong shoot | “honky” and “cracker” are hilarious | Wikipedia has a list of ethnic slurs | Jeff’s sister has been in Ireland for two weeks | phrases white people use | the man with the world’s longest cock fell in the shower | and finally, we should order a War of the Worlds movie poster for the studio.

The Boys watch the video of the race car driver who fell. Also: Colder weather and cold coffee | how the show ends | if something happens to Trixie, Brian and Jeff should get married | Bitcoin | talking politics | Updates and Corrections (a male prosti, Danielle Spencer died, Sandy Pinkard died) | movie chat, including the new War of the Worlds | some dumb woman danced on a roof and fell into a chimney | South Park | Jeff doesn’t want to try meth | this week’s church based sex offender | the King and Lisa Marie | and finally, AOL is getting rid of dial-up.

(We’ll blame Doug for this not working the first time.) Milwaukee Brewers manager Pat Murphy pulled a pancake out of his pocket and Lemon, as a pocket food aficionado, weighs in. Also: Jeff lost his glasses | It sounds like Howard Stern is getting the boot | update on Hulk Hogan’s cause of death | Beyoncé and Sydney Sweeney | a Catholic priest was arrested for renting pussy | Brian is closer to renting a mouth than ever before | American Top 40 | old people love their local newscasters | a part-time cop was arrested for filming young girls | Cop Rock | cops find a fuck doll in a river | high end fuck dolls are very expensive | the Vaseline route | Mountain Dew genes | Happy Hiroshima (and Nagasaki) day(s) | and finally, old timey racism.

Jeff and Brian were shirtless together. Also this week: The Sydney Sweeney thing is the dumbest story of the year | Hitlery | Kamala Harris narrated a book | Sweeney looks like a space alien | the celebrity death round-up (Chuck Mangione, Ryne Sandberg, Tom Lehrer, and Hulk Hogan) | jabronis and jamokes | The Iron Sheik | authorities warn against “teens” doing the Door Kick Challenge | a radioactive wasp nest was found in South Carolina | and finally, sometimes, a moderate probe is best.