You’re never too old to learn a lesson. For example: If you’re a 67-year-old man looking for a “sugar baby,” you’ve got to expect things will go south on you. Also for you this week, our humble listeners:

• You’re never too old to get a twitch in your pants over a dreamy young man.
• Brian is back at the casino on a regular basis.
• We haven’t played Jeff’s intro all season long … UNTIL TODAY! Whoooo!!!
• A windshield wiper incident.
• Brian: “McNuggets never gave me diarrhea.”
• Brian insists Jeff is not that much smart, b/w waxed midgie pussy.
• Update: They’re finally going to look for Amelia Earhart’s plane (Jeff doesn’t care; Brian marginally cares).
• Jeff went to a religious wedding, b/w Jeff’s ex-wife sucks a lot.
• Don Rickles with Frank Sinatra and Johnny Carson.
• Some kids were fed edibles.
• Being in Betty Ford, b/w Brian has a very rare moment of self censorship.
• Tony Romo likes to drink and drive, b/w Resting Douche Face.
• Brief retirement talk.

Brian didn’t feel like doing show prep this week, so the boys spent a whole day trying to decide which videos to watch. And we got there, also talking about:

• Branch Rickey and light minor league baseball talk.
• Jeff thinks the boys should take colonoscopy prep together.
• The first video is showing kids how to be good people, and obviously we’re not good people.
• Brian likes to run red lights.
• Western style versus Mean Jerk Time.
• Putting the pathetic in empathetic.
• Walter Reed’s sexual harassment training video from the 1980s.
• In the end, it all comes back to sucking seed.
• A Caucasian baby, from the mountains of Caucasus.
• That one Andrews Sister was a MESS.
• Super Troopers 3 merch.
• Brian wore the same Halloween costume for 30 years.

It’s a short show this week, because Brian feels terrible and needs to get home and pump himself full of water and over the counter drugs. But not before we discuss the dead body that sat in the grocery store for four hours due to some corporate nonsense. Also:

• The boys hate grocery shopping, but love old man cereals.
• Brian watched Citizen Vigilante, declares it’s dog shit.
• Brian had an embarrassing fecal incident at his new job. He wouldn’t post a picture of it on X, but he’s willing to do something else for the show.
• A Chubby Checker digression, b/w Chubby’s “folk” album.
• Update: Injury totals for the running of the bulls.
• Update: Kristi Noem is leaving her closeted, likely homosexual, cross dressing husband.
• A North Miami Beach police captain was arrested for filming his step-daughter in the shower.
• A pilot instructor jumped out of the plane, leaving his student to land by herself.
• Jeff has insane confidence in himself.
• The video of the guy getting hit by the bison is hilarious.
• Brian wanted England to win the World Cup because at least they speak English.
• Brief Tarantino discussion.
• Does Jeff have the Taco Bell lettuce rhea disease?

At what age should you know never to swim in any small, muddy body of water in Florida? Sooner than 31, we say. Way sooner. Also:

• Brief July 4th conversation, and Brian once again busts Jeff’s balls for his toilet paper Kleenex gimmick.
• The guy in Ft. Wayne, Indiana who cut his cock off, set it on fire, and used it to set a garage on fire, b/w Boston Corbett castrated himself.
• An Oklahoma woman grabbed a firework from her daughter, and promptly put on her Summer fingers.
• A female Milwaukee cop was knocked out by fireworks, and the way female cops are going, everyone is lucky she didn’t shoot the smoke.
• We would fly Box Cutter Airlines before Spirit.
• A tree and a truck were set on fire during some typical low IQ fireworks shenanigans on Oakland.
• A fireworks explosion sent five people to the hospital, and the news reporter telling you about it looks like Edna Mode.
• The char b/w who is the pedo in Star Wars?
• Enough with Metallica, already.
• 400 arrested in Newport Beach on July 4th – lots of “teens.”
• The (Rocky) Balboa Peninsula
• Summer Teeth revisited.

What better way to celebrate America’s birthday than by taking the week off? But fear not, we’ve recorded a Video Store of us watching an episode of “Conspiracy Theory with Jesse Ventura” where they discuss the Kennedy assassination. Eventually we lose patience with this low IQ dummy and tap out, but before then, we’re having a great time. Have a listen. (Recorded June 4 for broadcast July 3.)

This week, an absolute pimp of an 85-year-old man was caught in his tiny car, smoking a cigarello, and driving 110 miles per hour in a 45. He was arrested (along with another guy) for drag racing. (We have the video of his arrest, too.) Also:

• Brian is obsessed with Hollywood Graveyard.
• Brian made a serious tactical error trying to do something adventurous at work, and learned a lesson.
• Light baseball talk, b/w Brian almost does a spit take.
• When a fart goes up your ball bag.
• We’re doing Jocktober this year.
• A woman working at Arby’s spit into a customer’s food, giving her herpes.
• The Cos drops by and talks about how he used to give women herpes.
• Brian forgot to mention that Alan Greenspan died, and Team Jeff ties the Dead Pool at 2-2.
• Jeff drops a rare Mush Mouth.
• Brian Williams was funny on 30 Rock.
• Some blue hair drove a Tesla into a public swimming pool.
• You ever pull a load out while driving?
• The Commodore flip phone.

First up this week, a Pasadena cop was jerking around and shot another cop in the shoulder, proving once again that every police force in America should implement an IQ test. Also:

• Dead Pool Update: Gene Shalit died, and team Brian takes a 2-1 lead.
• Brian speculates on the sex lives of Kermit and Miss Piggy.
• A Dick Cavett correction.
• An HOA voted to exterminate hundreds of geese, and the boys are torn, because they hate both HOAs and geese.
• You could burn geese for fuel, right?
• The Auschwitz parking lot was always full.
• A drunk and / or high woman spit on a cop twice, and got popped in the mouth for her effort.
• There’s nothing better than a Three Stooges pie fight.
• “The old Union Pacific doesn’t come by here much anymore.”
• Jimmy Cagney’s open palm grapefruit technique b/w The Golden Age of Broad Smacking.
• The boys don’t care about the World Cup, but the videos of Euros loving free refills and Buc-ee’s are the best.
• Brian found out he’s incompatible with regular, human working hours.

This week’s episode was recorded last New Year’s Eve, in case we needed an “emergency” show during the 2026 season. And we did. Listen as the Boys discuss:

• Brian was newly unemployed, and Jeff is surprised he’s not living in the studio.
• Light football talk.
• People being loud.
• Jeff stepped in dog shit, and actively has a stroke while describing it, we think.
• When pets die.
• Light teevee talk.
• Judy Hopps – would ya?
• Brian is jerking off A LOT during his unemployment.
• Chubby Checker.
• Almost falling down.
• Looney Tunes and Three Stooges themes.
• Guns N’ Roses, Judas Priest, and Metallica.

This week, the boys learn that the best way to deal with a woman who wants to leave you is to demolish your own house. Also:

• Jeff had to take care of a drunken asshole at a baseball game. (By the way, if you feel the need to get hammered at a minor league baseball game, check yourself into a program.)
• Brian saw a fatso falling and rolling down a hill, and it was one of the greatest moments of his life.
• Brian got a job, and it’s going to take him some time to train them.
• Grok wrote us a script last week, and we’re just not feeling it. It’s bad, bad, bad.
• An Atlanta cop was banging a judge in her chambers, b/w Brian used to live next to a girl whose boyfriend would legitimately tear it up.
• A brief history of shitty talk shows; Dick Cavett will not get past Watergate.
• A Florida man had his cock out at a Taco Bell.
• There’s no way a fat, bald guy should be selling you workout shoes.
• Nap and baseball discussions.

It’s hot in England again, like it is every year, and that means Americans have to hear about how we don’t understand how heat works. Also:

• Brian wants to Video Store “It Ain’t Half Hot, Mum”and “Heil Honey I’m Home!”
• Brian may finally have a job, b/w the casino and reflecting on that girl.
• Grok gave the boys a script for the show (which we’re going to perform next week).
• Jeff hates this guy he works with.
• The Asian Noise.
• Ferrari’s electric car, b/w electric car discussion.
• Baseball talk – the Cubs player who told that blonde to shut her face.
• Robert Pattinson’s Chris Hansen movie, b/w Scarlett Johansson in the next Batman movie.
• Jeff is trying to steal shopping cart money from Aldi.
• Hotel guests were woken up by a “vulgar message” over an emergency intercom.
• Jesse Epstein drops by.
• Jesse Ventura’s fight with Jim Norton.
• Brian can’t wait to go the Full Ben Franklin.
• A man fell through the ceiling at a gym.
• “Tardin’ ‘Round!” b/w face crabs and pussy related throat cancer.
• The original “Big Bang Theory” pilot is dog shit.